Separation has begun, My Love now is 800 miles away. I have a chance to make things right, or to make this work (what is "this"?) so I have been told. I have been told many things, some of which are conflicting, My Love's actions too, have been conflicting, I am so confused, and scared. I miss my love, with all my heart. I want nothing more in this world to make things right, for this current situation to not be permanent. I am scared. I know a few things I need to do, or not do. I am scared of being alone, not just alone, but without my sunshine. I did not fight the separation, I let her go, but I wanted to fight it, I wanted to make everything right, make things work, together. I do not know what the future holds, but I really am scared of what might come, and will do anything I can to prevent it, anything. I hate being in limbo like this, with so many things right now. I need to find work in MA or NH (preferably NH), I need to find a place to live up there, but I can not look anywhere, until I know where I will be working. I need to sell my house. What happens if I sell the house and have no place to go? I am stuck in limbo with this separation, 6 months, to do what? To show what? Small areas of my life need changing, small areas of hers need changing. Will they? On my end, yes. I will bend to her every wish, if it means making this work and we are Mr & Mrs once again. I can not do this alone, yet that is what I am left to do. I need to trust, she need to attempt to trust, but I must give her reason to. She needs to want to. She asks if I want this to work.. does she really need to ask?
So i am alone, forced to make changes, but so many obstacles keep coming my way.
Will there be a "you and I" an "us?" Only time will tell... I am scared of time right now.
She wants her space, I will give her that, as long as space does NOT mean blocking my totally out of her life. There are things she does not know that she needs to think on too, but i doubt she will, never really does until too late. That will lead to this being permanent, just one of the little things she needs to change, actually doing what she says she is, like thinking about something that she needs to BEFORE it is too late. Communication, works both ways, being open and honest with me, is all i ask of My Love. We agreed to work on being friends with eachother, this work takes both of us, not just me. Things like this dont just happen on their own.
I miss you My Love, my Sunshine, with all my heart, you are never not on my mind. I love you.
This will be my journal, of what happens over the next 6 months, things that happen, things I do, things I dont do. The first entry has been posted, lets see where we go with this? Only time will tell...
♥♥♥
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