Little Girl Lost

I have a daughter, well actually I have 3 daughters. 2 of the lovely little girls are not biologically mine. One I have raised as my own since she was 4, the other, I have raised, as my own since birth. My only biological daughter, who is now 13, is a little clone of me, at least in looks and intelligence and wit. Her mother and i divorced when she was just 3. I went 3 years with out seeing her, due to her mother. She finally came to stay with me for just a little over a month 4 years ago. That was the last time I have seen her. Last march, my phone seized up on me and I lost all contacts. I lost all phone numbers for my ex-wife, but i still had an e-mail address. I notified her of this loss. It took months for her to finally give me her phone number so I could be able to call my daughter. In the last 3 years since i have seen her, not once has she called me, not because she didn't want to, but more because her mother would not let her. I had recently found my daughter on Facebook, I tried to contact her that way. Her mother declined the request and promptly blocked me. I recently sent an email to my ex-wife asking what hours I can call during the summer to talk to my daughter. I was told not to call until after Aug. 2nd. So I politely waited. Last night, Aug. 1st, my daughter called me. Excited? Now that would be an understatement! I had not heard her voice for a year. So sounded so grown up I almost didnt recognize her voice. I finally was getting my little girl back in my life, or so thought. She had only called to tell me to stop contacting her on Facebook, stop emailing her (I do not even have an email address for her), and not to bother calling again. My world just stopped. I had lost my daughter. I know this is really not her speaking, she used some phrases that were word for word the same that her mother used in an email to me recently. I know her mother has done this to her. She has stated under oath that she will do everything she can to keep me out of my daughters life. I do not know what she has been telling her, but I can guess. Just a little over a year ago, My daughter had a fight with her mother, and she had this to say to her "just 6 more years and I am out of here!" She obviously said that out of anger, (she has my temper, the poor thing) but the thought was still there. A 12 year old, counting down the years and perhaps months until she can leave her over bearing, controlling mother. Now, just a year later she tells me to stop all contact. What does this to a 13 y/o? What kind of parent drives that much of a wedge between her child and the child's father? I do not know the future, I can not say she will figure out the truth. Perhaps her mother has so damaged her that she may not think there is a truth to see. Maybe she will, I do not know. I can not visit, the police will be called, though i have done nothing. I can not call, the phone will not be answered (caller ID is a wonderful yet horrible device). I have lost her. I love my daughter, I always have and always will. I have not been the best at calling her when i did have the phone number, but i still did try to call her atleast monthly. That is all that i could handle of my ex-wife.

Little girls need their fathers or the one who has been a father to them for most of their lives. To steal that away from a child is unfathomable evil. It hurts not only the parent, but the child as well. A selfish act that hurts more than the intended. Sadly, my wife now, my loving wife who does understand these things so much better than most people, may be right. I do not know my daughter. I have never seen anything of hers. I have seen her once, for a month in 7 years. So is this really a traumatic loss? You bet your ass it is! I have been hurt by love, adult love, but nothing hurts more than to loose the love of a child at the hands of someone else.

I love you my little girl, and I always will.